urbanblitz

Before we get to the title, let’s first start off with the Art of Getting a Seat during rush hour. As I spotted a girl about to get off I moved my bag aside to just slide right into the seat. Of course, there was another straphanger had his eye on the seat. But it’s really about who has the best maneuver. While this guy is getting ready to move in, my arse was already in the seat. Woo hoo! Victory. But let’s get on with the story. While I’m sitting next to this fat lady and I feel her wrath everytime the train makes a turn. Can I say pancake. I think someone really needs to cut out the meats out of her diet. During our commute, she was having a few words with the teeny bopper Russian girl. As I was approaching my stop, they started to have some words in Russian ending with the old lady saying “Chill out.” So much drama I say.

Well more like the German tourist. They got on at Canal Street. And I felt bad for them because they seem like they were really lost as they were consulting the map in their guide book. As the other passenger peered at them. We all knew they were lost but no one wanted to say anything. So I asked where they were trying to go. And they said uptown, and I told them they’re heading into Brooklyn. As we pull into the first stop in Brooklyn, a train arrives across the platform. And I quickly said you need to go up the stair and across to the other side. Immediately, a few other passengers smiled and some chuckled. But I knew if I didn’t say anything they would end up further into the borough. That would really suck. I wish some people were more helpful when I was travelling overseas. But hopefully they got to their final destination safely.

There really should be some air conditioning on the train platforms. I had my second heat stroke in my life. Once in college while roller blading to the local Price Chopper downtown. As I got onto the train, I started feeling like my face was drenched in sweat, very nauseous, and then very dizzy. At one point I thought I was going to faint. I was about to become the sick customer on the train. So why didn’t I get off the train. If I only I had the energy to. Finally, my body started to cool off. And I was a lot better when I got off the train. So I got a smoothie from one of those food carts. I feel so much better now.

During my daily commute. Not the commute from hell as my friend Ev. would describe it. But this morning there was this drunk couple yelling something at Prospect Park. Unfortunately for me, they got on my train car and decided to stand right next to me. Just my luck. They weren’t your regular drunkards. Most likely alcoholics. Am I stereotyping them. Well sort of. Why do I say they’re alcoholics. If they weren’t alcoholics they wouldn’t have gotten on the train with their breathe reeking of alcohol first thing in the morning. Smelled like some cheap vodka. And they were repeating every word like you speaking in surround sound. so what’s the difference between a drunkard and alcoholic. You see, an average drunkard would at least have had a breath mint as oppose to your all around alcoholic.

Then the guy accidentally bumped my shoulder, and said excuse me and started rubbing it. Ewww.. Can I say just apologize, and step off, Man. Doesn’t anyone know anything about personal space. You don’t touch people in NY. Why can’t I just have a quiet pleasant commute. Is that even possible in NY.

What’s up with this wacky things on the train. The ideal of manners and personal space is non-existent. And this always happens when i’m on the 5 train. So what is it today. I’m leaning against the door, while this darn guy keeps leaning on me. I know personal space does not exist during rush hour. But dude, the train isn’t even crowded. Step, I say. While this guy is invading my personal space this old Latina lady pulls out the bobby pins from her hair. Carefully, picks a bobby pin and proceeds to use this particular bobby pin to remove the ear wax from her ear canal. No, she didn’t you say. Yes , she did. Then she flicks it on the floor. Now that’s pretty disgusting. But I’m not done. Next, she puts the bobby pin in her mouth before she pins up her bun. Can I say Ewww!

Right now, I’m absolutely livid. Basically, I’m sitting on the 5 train heading up to Union Square. My legs are crossed while I’m reading my book. Like all New Yorkers, I’m just minding my own business. Then this guy gets on at Fulton Street, bumps in my foot then swipes his pants clean and asked me for an apology. What, I said. You bumped into me. Why do I have to apologize. I’m the one that’s stationary and you saw my foot when you hit it. He just went on and on and called me an asshole. Now explain this to me in layman’s terms. Does this mean that a tree should apologize when you run into it. I think not. All I can say, is he’s a complete moron. And he probably was trying to make something of it to have something to talk to his buddy.

Strangest thing happen to me today. I was on the platform waiting for my train. When something fell into my ear. I flicked it off and it hit the ground. What you may ask? A Lady Bug. So does this mean I’m lucky. Then I tried to move it so that the other commuters wouldn’t step on it. But I wasn’t able to relocate the lady because my train came. Hope the lucky lady made it through the day.

Argh! What is the MTA thinking. There have been talks about fines for putting your feet on the seats and riding between cars. Dude! People are going to ride between cars no matter what. If that’s the case why don’t they just lock the car doors. But now I hear they’re also going prohibit drinking any beverages on the trains. Which the exception of the following acceptable containers. Can I say WTF. No coffee on the trains. Are they really looking for the revolution from all coffee drinkers in the morning. Do you know how the average New Yorker looks without coffee. Has the MTA been smoking to much crack. Cause they must be. Figures the MTA would come up with something like this.

While I was riding the train into work today, a homeless woman wandered onto my car. Nothing unusual, except she was not pan handling. Instead she was singing off tune. Luckily, for her Simon Cowell was not on the train. Or he would have totally tore her apart. Then as I was to get on my second train, I saw a homeless lady sleeping in one of the train cars. So I decided to get into another car. Low and behold a MTA employee immediately snaps on her blue latex gloves and swoops into the train. Exactly like the ones in the Blink 182 album cover. Man, it’s going down. She was probably going to grab the woman and throw her out. Figures it would be on a Wall Street Bound train.

Some people just don’t have proper manners when it comes to the subway. Especially during rush hour and the mad dash for seats. And the elderly are the worse. Not any elderly person. You know what I mean. The ones that have their orthopedic sneakers on who are ready and willing to push you aside for seat. I had encounter one such woman this morning. But seriously, she needed to take a chill pill because there were tons of seats left. Patients is a virtue I guess.