Trivial Dating

Ah! There seems to be a fine line between blogging about life in general and someone’s personal life. Particularly about one’s dating endeavors. Currently, I have some friends who have asked me why I don’t blog about my dating life. Well because I don’t think there is really anything to blog about. It’s a jungle out there. In a way, it can be a bit embarassing. Geez! You don’t want to scare away the prospects. ha ha! What prospects? *scrunch nose* Seriously, how interesting can my dating life be. Hmm.. unless you count the play by play action about how I hack the male ego to pieces. Be afraid, very afraid. I’m maybe petite, but you’re going down. ha ha!

Okay, I guess someone should good chuckle at my dating misadventures.

So let’s check out victim # 1. I agreed to go out on date with this guy that I met online. We seem to have a lot in common. This past Monday, I was suppose to meet him after work at the Virgin Megastore cafe. When I walked in the door, I already wanted to high tail out of the cafe. He looked nothing like his picture which was probably taken a few year back. From that moment on I knew the date was just going to be bad. We decided to get a bite to eat at one of near by japanese restaurant. Let’s just say I was in the ultimate guy seat. And when I say ultimate, I mean, I have full view of who was coming in and out of the restaurant. It was nice. During the whole dinner, I was unable to bring myself to look him in the face. On top of the fact the conversation just wasn’t there. Of course, when the bill came, I offered to chip in. But he refused. Then I offered to pay the tip. He refused again. Personally, I felt really bad, because it was a pricey dinner. So when he asked if I wanted to grab a drink. I felt a bit obliged. We headed over to a local bar in which he allowed me to buy him a drink. I think that the least I can do. During the whole time at the bar, I was spacing out and literally focusing on the exit sign. I was counting the minutes till he finished his beer. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a quick drinker. So it was quite toturous for me. At the end of the date he asked me if I would like to do this again. Let’s just say I hate being put on the spot. I said maybe, when I really wanted to just say no. I thought it was pretty clear that I wasn’t interested. I mean can’t guys tell if a girl is interested, or if they are having fun. Because I wasn’t having any fun at all. The date was like pulling teeth for me.

This is the reason why I don’t date very much.

January 21, 2003 at 1:38 pm · Rant & Rave· Permalink ·

Express Yourself

Are people as open and honest on their blogs. You’re pretty much putting a piece of yourself into the world of cyberspace. Once you hit that publish button, there is no way of taking it back. For some, putting your life on display leads to a cyber celebrity status. Then the issue becomes, if you’re blogging for yourself or for your new found audience. Lately I’ve also discovered there is a backlash to blogging. I’ve heard horror stories about people being rejected jobs because they keep a blog. I guess employers are afraid of their potential employees blogging about their work. Does freedom of speech really exist in cyberspace? Or is their a larger consequence about putting your personal life online. I’m not quite if my rambling was meant to be rhetorical.

January 21, 2003 at 1:37 pm · Rant & Rave· Permalink ·

Comments, Please

To my friends that complained that I didn’t have a comment box and bothered me till I put one up. You know who you are. I know you’re lurking around. Why don’t you use a little bit more often.

January 2, 2003 at 1:40 pm · Rant & Rave· Permalink ·

Influx

I feel so off balance right now. What do I mean? My chi isn’t centered. And I just don’t know why, and how to get it back on kilter. Recently, someone had said to me “silence is golden.” It’s a phrase that I’ve heard many times in my life. But until recently, I realize maybe silence is golden. I don’t mean the idea of silence, but the peacefulness of the soul. All my life, I’ve always been in motion physically and mentally. There has always been some rambling of thoughts through my head. I’ve never taken the time to just stop. It has always been full steam ahead. Maybe that’s my problem.

So much rambling.. so much fear. What do I fear? I have the same fears as everyone else. My biggest fear is failure. The inability to achieve, attain goals, and live up to my potential. If you ask me if I think I am successful. My answer would probably be an astounding no. What have I done with my life. I need to stop comparing my achievements to others. But I can’t help it. It something that my parents have instilled in me so early on. So embedded into my brain. Constantly being measured and compared to my peers. Yes, in a twisted way it has made me stronger and more competitive. But is life a competition.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit lonely. I always knew from an early age I would alone in this world. I mean,what do you expect from an only child. I’ve accepted this fact. And for a bit I have embraced it. I thought you conquered your fear when you accept it. It’s just sad. I think as I see my mother get older and more frail, I get more depressed. I realized, It won’t be long before I’m alone in this world. And am I really ready to accept that. One might say that you’re not really alone in this world. You still have friends and family. But everyone has there own lives to live. This year has been most evident of that. I was unable to send out my massive 100+ holiday cards, and I only a handful of my friends had sent me a holiday card. Why make so much effort, when no one really cares. Let me correct myself, a select few care. For all anyone knows, I could be dead on the street. But no one would know. Because no one really picks up the phone and calls me out of the blue to just say hello. Everyone is too busy with their own lives. We all have our own demons to deal with. And I just haven’t quite found a way to deal with mine. Onward.

As you can see there is no point in arguing with me. Because I can easily psycho analyze myself. Who really needs therapy?

January 2, 2003 at 1:39 pm · Just Me· Permalink ·