Delirious

I really should not be blogging right now. Nothing would probably make sense. I’m a bit delirious. I think it’s someone way of telling me to slow down. And it seems the only way to get me to take some R&R is get sick. I have come down with a case of bronchitis. And let’s say I’m not a happy camper. I totally despise being sick. My meds aren’t really agreeing with me. The first day of taking my antibiotics, I felt every side effect. Bah hum bug! But finally body is adjusting. I’m feeling a lot better and some sleep.

The worse part about being sick is I miss my friends. This is the first weekend everyone is back from the holiday. And now I have to wait another week before I’m really clear to see them. Bah! This sucks!

January 11, 2004 at 7:24 am · Just Me· Permalink ·

Voyeur

Lately, I have stumbled on a few blogs of my some old friends and acquaintances. It’s so weird to peer into their lives. Seems like I’m invading someone’s private space. But then I guess that’s what blogging is. Sharing a piece of yourself with the public. I guess it’s a matter of how naked you want to be. But it is still weird.

January 11, 2004 at 7:22 am · Rant & Rave· Permalink ·

Let it All Out

Please make it stop! Why won’t it stop huritng. Yeah, let all your feelings out and maybe you feel better not. There is no point of putting your emotions on line. It only leads to disappointment. Don’t tell me that I’m stronger than I think. Fuck! It’s all a facade. I want to stop crying, but my heart won’t let me. Screw that! Why am I blogging? Why the fuck not! Damn this flood of emotion.

So what am I afraid of? I’m afraid of caring. Because when you care, it only leads to hurt. I can attest to that. So why don’t I just suck it up. Well I’m trying. But this damn heart thing is not helping. It wringing at me. And I just can’t stop crying. Make it stop!!!!! Damn it!

Too much damn happiness in the world. I wish it all go away. And misery doesn’t like company. So go away! Scat!

January 6, 2004 at 7:37 am · Rant & Rave· Permalink ·

Rampant Emotion

There is all this emotion running through my head. It just won’t stop. The pain won’t go away. The tears won’t go away. I tried. I can’t control it. All I can do is to let it stream down my face. There is nothing one can do. What a wretched fool. Happiness does not exist in this world. Just pain. Don’t worry. It’s not like you can take this pain away from me. There is nothing you can do but be an outside observer while you see me suffer. You can not say anything to take this away. You can only watch. And be helpless, as I am helpless to feel.

Drats, my eyes are swollen and nose is clogged. Let me burrow in my hole. Why could I not just be satisfy with just my loving family and friends. To venture out of that circle has only result in pain and my demise. Nothing to say, nothing to do. The only thing to do is wait while this hurt takes it course. Well at least, if I was dying there would be the option of morphine. But this is like going through life with no form of analgesic for this pain. Man, I must sound very melodramatic now. Cut it out! Grumble.

The scary part about life is putting your feelings in the hands of other people. Why! Because, fuck when you do, you have lost control.

Crap, the music I am listening to isn’t helping. Do you know how embarassing it is to watch tears streaming down your face on the train.

January 6, 2004 at 7:35 am · Just Me· Permalink ·